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So I am giving this a try.... yesterday I read Darby Stickler's blog page and could not help but laugh out loud and even cry. She was so vivid about her everyday life and I really felt after I read it that I was part of her world. So I have decided to create this blog to let my family and friends, who I don't always get to see or talk to, know what is going on with me. Hopefully, through this, even when we don't talk, you can know that I do cherish every relationship that I have.
In the past few weeks, I have realized how selfish of a person that I have been and I feel the need to share this. I have been living here in Destin for the past 4 years and I truly can not say that I have lived each day to the fullest. I am not saying that I have felt that the past 4 years have meant nothing... because they have. It's just that I am beginning each day to realize how truly blessed I am to be here and that my life is meaningful and I should be giving more of myself to those around me.
On September 19th, I lost my precious Grandmother Orene. On Sunday, September 16th, I woke up with a little voice telling me to go see my grandmother. I had a pretty rough week that week and the thought of taking that one day to drive up to Andalusia and then to drive back was something I really did not want to do. I wanted a day ALL to myself (this is where the selfishness recognization began). I decided that since I had promised my mom to come up the first weekend of October, that I would wait until then to go to Andalusia and see my grandmother. On Tuesday the 18th, my daily devotional talked of "Our time here on earth coming to a close". I felt it necessary to focus my prayer that morning on my Grandmother. I had visited her in the nursing home to see her in a place that I never wanted to imagine, a place where it wasn't home for her, a place that the only time her family would spend with her would be the short visits that we allowed ourselves in our busy lives. My grandmother was not the same person... dementia had set in and she had trouble speaking what she was thinking. Nevertheless, she held our hand and loved on us the whole time we were there. Telling us how she loved us, and reminding us of what a beautiful lady God had created. I have to admit, I had a hard time seeing her there. I dreaded it... I wanted so badly to see her at home again and to sit beside her in her den and talk about the Braves, talk about my "new" boyfriend ( my grandmother was always wanting to know about my love life :) ), watch the artist channel, see her Bible beside of her, see the Church Bulletin and her yellow pad and pencil. So my prayer on that Tuesday morning was that God would give my grandmother peace. Talk about God answering prayers.... My grandmother left this world the next morning. I don't think that when I prayed, that I knew God would answer a prayer so quickly. But I know, that she has found her peace and place in Heaven. I held on to the guilt of not going to see her that Sunday, up until last week. I was in church and I heard the song, "In the Garden"... and the words, "and He walks with me and He talks with me, and He tells me I am His own, and the joy we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known." When the song was over, I felt as though my heart had been freed of the burden that I carried of not being there for my grandmother. It seemed so surreal and I felt as though she was letting me know that she was not alone and that she was ok.
Today I can't get her out of my mind.... she was an important part of my life and a reason I now will always self reflect as a reminder.
Well, that was my first post and I am sorry if it might have been a little sad... just a state of mind for me right now.
As for my day to day life at the moment... it is beautiful here at the beach right now. I just finished lunch with a friend and we ate at a restaurant on the beach. The water was awesome and it made me want to go home, put on a bathing suit and go kayak, surf, swim, snorkel.... or just anything in the Gulf. I love the beach... I love my home... I love my dogs... I love my friends... I love knowing that there is still so much more for me to look forward to. I love quotes so with each blog, I will end with a quote:
"No one remains quite what he was when he recognizes himself."
Thomas Mann (German Writer 1875-1955)
Love to you all....
KW
In the past few weeks, I have realized how selfish of a person that I have been and I feel the need to share this. I have been living here in Destin for the past 4 years and I truly can not say that I have lived each day to the fullest. I am not saying that I have felt that the past 4 years have meant nothing... because they have. It's just that I am beginning each day to realize how truly blessed I am to be here and that my life is meaningful and I should be giving more of myself to those around me.
On September 19th, I lost my precious Grandmother Orene. On Sunday, September 16th, I woke up with a little voice telling me to go see my grandmother. I had a pretty rough week that week and the thought of taking that one day to drive up to Andalusia and then to drive back was something I really did not want to do. I wanted a day ALL to myself (this is where the selfishness recognization began). I decided that since I had promised my mom to come up the first weekend of October, that I would wait until then to go to Andalusia and see my grandmother. On Tuesday the 18th, my daily devotional talked of "Our time here on earth coming to a close". I felt it necessary to focus my prayer that morning on my Grandmother. I had visited her in the nursing home to see her in a place that I never wanted to imagine, a place where it wasn't home for her, a place that the only time her family would spend with her would be the short visits that we allowed ourselves in our busy lives. My grandmother was not the same person... dementia had set in and she had trouble speaking what she was thinking. Nevertheless, she held our hand and loved on us the whole time we were there. Telling us how she loved us, and reminding us of what a beautiful lady God had created. I have to admit, I had a hard time seeing her there. I dreaded it... I wanted so badly to see her at home again and to sit beside her in her den and talk about the Braves, talk about my "new" boyfriend ( my grandmother was always wanting to know about my love life :) ), watch the artist channel, see her Bible beside of her, see the Church Bulletin and her yellow pad and pencil. So my prayer on that Tuesday morning was that God would give my grandmother peace. Talk about God answering prayers.... My grandmother left this world the next morning. I don't think that when I prayed, that I knew God would answer a prayer so quickly. But I know, that she has found her peace and place in Heaven. I held on to the guilt of not going to see her that Sunday, up until last week. I was in church and I heard the song, "In the Garden"... and the words, "and He walks with me and He talks with me, and He tells me I am His own, and the joy we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known." When the song was over, I felt as though my heart had been freed of the burden that I carried of not being there for my grandmother. It seemed so surreal and I felt as though she was letting me know that she was not alone and that she was ok.
Today I can't get her out of my mind.... she was an important part of my life and a reason I now will always self reflect as a reminder.
Well, that was my first post and I am sorry if it might have been a little sad... just a state of mind for me right now.
As for my day to day life at the moment... it is beautiful here at the beach right now. I just finished lunch with a friend and we ate at a restaurant on the beach. The water was awesome and it made me want to go home, put on a bathing suit and go kayak, surf, swim, snorkel.... or just anything in the Gulf. I love the beach... I love my home... I love my dogs... I love my friends... I love knowing that there is still so much more for me to look forward to. I love quotes so with each blog, I will end with a quote:
"No one remains quite what he was when he recognizes himself."
Thomas Mann (German Writer 1875-1955)
Love to you all....
KW
2 comments:
Kim! LOVE the blog! I cant wait to keep up with you this way. I started one yesterday too {how ironic!}, I'll send it your way. It's not nearly as good as yours! Can't wait to play tennis tonight. Chance thinks my strings will break (my racquet is so old)- so bring an extra if you have one. :)
I love you sister! Kris
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