It's Just Me...

There is a quote that I have written on a small board in my kitchen that every morning reminds me of what my life would be without God. "God's grace is what we need, but not always what we deserve." And tonight I went to my first session of a bible study called "Authentic Christian", and realized that I could do nothing in my life without the grace of God. You see, I haven't been the most devoted, committed, faithful christian, and I sometimes feel as though I am not deserving of the blessings that God gives me. But what I learned tonight is that my walk with Him did not have to start on anyone elses time, but it had to start with me giving ALL of myself to Him. I think so often times we are ashamed that we are not in the same place with our walk as others are and we are ashamed to admit that we have fallen to the sins of this world...so much that we think that we can no longer be given God's grace... not true. I am proof. I am 30 years old and for the first time in my life, I think I have finally had a "real" talk with God. Don't get me wrong... I have loved him the whole time and I have KNOWN that He was there, I just chose to have a part time LOVE AFFAIR with him.
I have MISSED OUT! I can not tell you all how much my world has changed in the past few weeks. On the Sunday morning that revival started in my church, the preacher gave us all salt packets before we went in. I held the salt in my hands and when the preacher asked us to get up and go give our packet of salt to someone that had really made a difference in our life, I looked over to see my first roommate here in Destin, Erika, standing and I knew exactly who to give this packet to. You see, she was my salt when I needed it most. Not only did she help me through one of the hardest times in my life, but she also LOVED God and I saw it. So on that Sunday, I had no doubt about who in that church had salted me. But I thought after church, who would come to me and give me a packet if she weren't there? Who have I salted?
After my grandmother passed away, I could barely stand in my office. I remember being there and being so weak that I could not stand so I dropped to my knees and prayed. I prayed the most reverent and honest prayer I think I had ever prayed in my life. So I tell you all this, that if you find yourself at a place like this, where it is too hard to stand on your on....KNEEL. We serve an awesome God.
Tonight as I sat in the Bible Study, I realized that I might be the "youngest" Christian in the room because I had just committed to giving ALL of me to Him, but for the first time in my life, I did not feel ashamed to be that ONE. I know I have something to look forward to and if these past few weeks are any example of what God's grace is.... I AM ALL IN!
So my focus these days is to be an Authentic Christian, someone that by just by being around me, you can see God through me.
Tonight I am thankful for a lot of things and I just want to share them. I am thankful that I had 2 friends tonight that encouraged me to go to the Bible Study and who told me that they would hold me accountable for being committed to this Bible Study. (You see I have a hard time with commitment unless it has anything to do with work or exercise). I am thankful for my friends that even though I might not see them often at all... they really are my heart. Kelly... one of my best friends and possibly my "soulmate" ... I say this in the sense that she knows me best. The flaws, the quirks, the issues with commitment, the wilder side of me, but she KNOWS me... I am thankful for her. I am thankful that even though we haven't seen each other in YEARS, I am thankful that she can pick up the phone, and I can do the same, and she GETS me. I am thankful for my ability to be independent, to be stubborn, to be candidly honest with my friends. I am thankful for my family.... and I am thankful for my dogs. Because tonight as I sit here and type this, I have two precious animals that want to love me, that want my attention, that need me, that can not wait for me to pull back the covers so that they can settle in right beside me. I am thankful for my dogs because right now they keep me from being lonely until God allows me to have and to share a 1 Corinthians kind of love.
So God... thank you for my dogs. For the one I paid too much for and for the one who I rescued...
Well I did not mean for this blog to be this long. I just thought I would catch you up on what has been going on in my life. I love you all and again your friendships, love and support mean the world to me.
Night!